Friday, 11 October 2013

Selfishness Vs Selflessness.

Hello Littl'uns!
This week I made a video (check that out at the bottom of this page, or click here ;)) on my inability to say no. I have always struggled with this. I’m a people pleaser. I don’t like to disappoint, and I’ll go out of my way to make people happy.
This selfless nature, whilst on the surface seems a positive quality, in actuality is not all it’s cracked up to be. The truth of it all is that you cannot please everyone. Whatever you do, someone is going to have to be disadvantaged – and why should that always be you?
Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t take anyone but yourself into consideration, but I am saying that maybe a selfish element isn’t so bad. As long as it’s not too dominant in your personality of course!
You are just as important as the next person. I don’t care if they have more money than you, or if they have a higher social status. You are the same. You matter just as much. You deserve to be getting what you want out of life. If someone asks to borrow money for something insignificant, but you’ve been looking forward to that donut you’re going to buy on the way home all day? You can say no! Don’t be rude about it of course, but putting yourself first is not a bad thing. How are you expected to get anywhere in life if you don’t look out for yourself sometimes?
Saying all this – I still have a long way to go. I’d lend you my donut money, and I probably wouldn’t ask for it back.
There does need to be a balance between selfishness and selflessness within people. When that balance is disturbed either way, people get disappointed. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Lots of love,

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  1. I am responding here, because it is to long for youtube.
    A while back, when I was still in highschool (or whatever you call it in the UK), I had a similar problem. I used to go out of my way to help others with their homework and their assignments, even though most people didn't care for me and some even treated me like shit (insults, false rumors, etc.). At one point I realized that the girl who asked me to help her with a math problem had ridiculed me just half an hour before; that was the first time I said no. I told her I would help her, if she apologized and abstained from insulting me in the future; she didn't, so I helped everyone else who consulted me on that problem, but not her. (I still felt bad for doing this, but it was worth it, when she eventually stopped picking on me) Since then, I managed to set myself reasonable boundaries with these questions:
    1. Why does this person need my help?
    2. How much trouble would it be for me to help?
    3. Is my help necessary?
    4. Who is asking?

    Basically, this is me saying: I know how difficult it is, but your benevolence is best spent on those who can fully appreciate it. I hope this is not to forward for you, but if it is just say: "yes, it is"
    p.s.: It helps to have a dog who constantly uses his stare, believe me it wears itself down.

    1. I'm thankful you took the time to respond at all ^_^
      They're some very good questions to ask yourself! I should take note myself! Unfortunately, when you're like this, people often take advantage :(

  2. Hey Kristi!
    I thought this was a really interesting post with some great tips on respecting yourself and setting bounderies so we don't keep dying ourselves out. Might be an idea to assess the friends you have and perhaps let go of those who ask ask ask and never return the favour ;)
    anyways i thought your video was great, i'm hoping to pluck up the courage soon to make one, but you were really confident and charming and yeah so! Carry on :)


    1. Thank you for reading and responding! Always love to hear what others think.
      Perhaps you're right! It's far too easy for some people to take advantage of me.
      Thank you! If you do, then please send me the link, I'd love to watch! :D Maybe just film one to get started and get used to it, but don't upload if you're not happy. It's just for you to see how you feel, and build your confidence. You never know, maybe you will be comfortable with it right away and upload it ^_^

  3. aw honey, I loved the video! You're so sweet. Say no! Be bossy!
    Or even better, be yourself. :)

    Subscribed on youtube!

    check out my blog?

    1. Aw thank you! I wish I could! :)
      I will do ^_^


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